Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You can't special order awesome
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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