So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
