you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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