Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
