chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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