so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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