If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
