I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Every concussion has its silver lining
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
