What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
