I wish I could punch you in the face.
Yo dont text me then not text me
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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