I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
