Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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