i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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