when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
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She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
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FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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