Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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