May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
