So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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