I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
