thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
how drunk are you?
Several
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
