I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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