trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
