I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
