Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
