This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
