I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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