i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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