Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
