I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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