wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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