Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Two words: nipple clamps
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