i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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