If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize