Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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