i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
