i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
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How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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