No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You smell like stripper and shame
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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