i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
