That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
