so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
