My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
