Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize