D3 body, D1 cock
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
