You work out of a Hotel?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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