i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
