You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
