I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
