I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
