brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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