i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
