I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Bring me that man meat
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
