I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
