Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want her autograph on my taint
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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