he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
