Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
