Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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