The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
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I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
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I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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