yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
