it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
