Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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