when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
