we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
