We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just want nice things and good sex
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
