Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
