I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
