Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
