I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
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BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
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It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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