There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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