Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize