you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
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im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
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Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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