Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize
