She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
