guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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