theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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