I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
That accounts for only three of the penises
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
