New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
