This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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